How To Save A Life
by Diana's Helper
Summary: Cameron's reflections on House. [songfic to 'How to Save a Life' by the Fray] [warning: character death][oneshot][CameronHouse]


**Disclaimer: I don't own House MD, or any of the characters used below. Nor do I own The Fray or the song, How To Save A Life. Credit goes to them, though the writing was mine.  
**

_Authors note: I was listening to this song one day when I realized how perfectly well it fits the relationship between Cameron and House. I'm a fan of this pairing, in many ways, and so this was just crying to be written.  
_

* * *

**How To Save A Life **

_Step one you say we need to talk  
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk  
He smiles politely back at you  
You stare politely right on through  
Some sort of window to your right  
As he goes left and you stay right  
Between the lines of fear and blame  
And you begin to wonder why you came_

Alison Cameron knew why she had come back. Back even after House had abused, misused, and manipulated her. Just as he was doing now. He said that she was welcome, that everyone wanted her back. That he wanted her back. And somewhere along the betrayal, they had lost the connection she always thought they had. His voice no longer softened when speaking to her, just as his blue eyes stayed icy. The Vicodin took over his life, as well as that mess with the cop. He wasn't the man she had fallen in love with anymore, and he was dying. It hurt.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

Wilson's frantic call to the E.R. and to Cameron's team came as no surprise to her. She had always known that House would not last forever on pain pills. His suicide didn't make it any easier, however, and it felt like someone had ripped her heart out. She saw him when they rolled him in on a stretcher, and wept. Chase and Foremen watched her cry, and hid their own tears to comfort her. She was grateful, and angry at the same time. Couldn't they show _some_ emotion?

_Let him know that you know best  
Cause after all you do know best  
Try to slip past his defense  
Without granting innocence  
Lay down a list of what is wrong  
The things you've told him all along  
And pray to God he hears you  
And pray to God he hears you_

All those times she had told him that he was an awful terrible man, or when she had tried to get him off his Vicodin. All those times she cried from the words he said to her, and rejoiced when they went to the Monster Truck show together or he showed her some small amount of kindness. But, she had never told him, never bothered to say that she cared. And now he was gone, and she would never get the chance to lecture him. Or tell him that she loved him.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

She would have done _anything_ to keep him with them. With her. Cuddy acted like she wasn't too upset, but Cameron could see through her act. And through everyone else's. Most would say they were better off without the manipulative bastard- she disagreed. House had been _their_ manipulative bastard, and they wanted him back.

_As he begins to raise his voice  
You lower yours and grant him one last choice  
Drive until you lose the road  
Or break with the ones you've followed  
He will do one of two things  
He will admit to everything  
Or he'll say he's just not the same  
And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

Everyone had tried to help him in the end; Tritter, in his own way, Cuddy, by trying to make him go to rehab, and even herself. She had loved him, and loved him up until the day he died, even if he had fought her right before the end. He had refused to help himself, and was doomed to die for it. The Vicodin had eaten his soul. Cameron didn't know why she had bothered.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend  
Somewhere along in the bitterness  
And I would have stayed up with you all night  
Had I known how to save a life_

But, in truth, she did. She had bothered because he was the one who had saved her- after her husband died, she had thought that there would never be another, and she was doomed. He had brought her back. When she had tried to act more assertive, he broke her heart, and built her stronger. He was her poison, the poison that had saved her life. Without him, she was lost. She was nothing. And she couldn't handle that.

_How to Save a Life_


End file.
